This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
