no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
