The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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