Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
3 2 1 whiskey
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
