Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
