he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
