That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
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Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
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For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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