I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
