Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
