I'm eating all of the evidence.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
