I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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