I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
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Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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