he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
