It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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