one two three fourrrrnication!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
