when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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