Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
