I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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