it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
