I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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