I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
