I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
