I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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