if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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