I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
