id be glad to
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
