I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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