Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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