Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
