I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sext me about skeletons
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
