Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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