im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
