My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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