i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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