I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
