you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The beer is more important than you right now.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
