Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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