I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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