I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
