I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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