I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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