i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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