Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
