If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
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Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
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Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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