My underwear smells like fireworks.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
