I'm jealous of your bromance
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
