So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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