Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
