I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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