i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
