I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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