i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she told me i tasted like america
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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