Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
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Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
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The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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