Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
