What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
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2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
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Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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