Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
