I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
