Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
