Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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