Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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